is exactly how I feel about everything today.
I'm glad that Brian is feeling better. We ended up having to take him in early in the morning hours on Thursday because he was so sick. The Dr didn't know what he had, except for he had all the signs and symptoms of appendicitis, but his blood count came back normal. It could just be that his appendix flared up and went away and then flared up again. Weird, huh?
Work went by without incident...for the most part. There is one lady that we just hired that I cannot stand. She refuses to listen to me because "i'm not her boss." When my boss isn't there, I am her boss, so she'll have to get used to it. She witches about everything. And she plays the pity me card all the time. They lost their house and they both lost their jobs, but that's no excuse for playing the pity me card. I bought lunch today and she was whining that she didn't have any money to buy anything. Then she tells me to buy her lunch because she has no money, and obviously I do because I bought lunch. I was mad. I may have bought her lunch if she hadn't been so rude. You don't just tell people to buy you something. So I told her i didn't have any money to buy her lunch with because I have bills to pay, too. She got pissed, but seriously.
One of the Manager's for Sam's side is being really vindictive lately. We had an accident and runined their year + accident free days and he's been on a relentless tirade ever since. He's putting a security camera in our kitchen and he thinks he can send us home for making mistakes or doing things we shouldn't do. We don't even work for him. Somedays I wonder what his deal is.
Oy. I'm typing so late because I can't sleep. I have so many things running through my mind tonight. I can'tget it to shut up. People at work tell me things because I am a "boss," i have a lot of personal things going through my mind, and I have been thinking about a conversation I had with someone earlier today. I really hate it when your mind thinks faster than you can keep up. I think that is why I can't get to sleep.
I guess I better try. I do have to be back to work bright and early...Bleh
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Stiches
I was going to spend the day packing stuff to go to storage, doing laundry and getting my bedroom reorganized, but no...Christy's little guy has to go get stiches. He fell and hit his head on her bed frame and now he needs stiches. Poor little guy. So I have Alex, her older one here with me and he is watching Bolt.
Brian was up all night throwing up so neither one of us really got any sleep. I'm hoping that it is just food poisoning and not an actual bug. Everybody here was just sick with all that crap, and I was lucky enough to miss getting it. :)
I managed to split my toe ope today too. I hit it on my mom's china hutch and it split right open and bled a lot. We're all doing real good today...lol. I really should go and get some stuff done while Alex is preoccupied, until he gets bored that is.
Brian was up all night throwing up so neither one of us really got any sleep. I'm hoping that it is just food poisoning and not an actual bug. Everybody here was just sick with all that crap, and I was lucky enough to miss getting it. :)
I managed to split my toe ope today too. I hit it on my mom's china hutch and it split right open and bled a lot. We're all doing real good today...lol. I really should go and get some stuff done while Alex is preoccupied, until he gets bored that is.
Monday, June 21, 2010
The Longest Day of the Year
Believe you me, it has definately flet like the longest day of the year. Sadly, not the nice sunny days will become shorter bit by bit til its dark at 4 in the afternoon. I love the long days of summer, though I think this has been the worst summer yet, but I can still plan for some fun.
I had a better day today. I think that having a few days off to recooperate will do the trick nicely. It will be like a mini vacation that I really needed. I'm planning on crafting a bit because I have a lot to catch up on and not a lot of time to do it. I think that my stressful days (and past weeks) are soon to be calmer. I spent the last few weeks in and out of the dr's office trying to see if the lumps in my boobs were cancerous. Thankfully, they are nothing to be worried over, and I just have to deal with some irritating pain in the area. I was stressed like you would not believe!
I was talking to a gal today about babies and what not. Its funny how some people think they have you pegged for certain things based off your personality or your religion. I hate how people think that you shouldn't have a baby because you can't afford it, or because you're not old enough. How the heck do they know how much money I have or how much I make a year? Seriously...it's none of thier business. For those who wonder, we make about 40k a year (which is what my parents raised 4 of us on) and when I get my raise/promotion we will make close to 60k a year. Personally, I think that is plenty to raise a kid on. It also irritates me that people assume that I will stay home with my kid and raise it just because I am LDS. If I could, I would, but with my new promotion, I would be STUPID to stay home. I'll be making the most money, so If one of us were to stay home, it would be brian and we would still make close to 35k a year from just me. Not that any of this matters because I'm not pregnant, nor have I been lucky enough to be pregnant yet. But Brian and I have thoroughly thought this out and budgeted (thanks to rough estimates from the siblings who already have kids) accordingly for when and if the time comes. I think I am going to make the Pregnancy topic off limits because people can't help but always give their advice and their ideas.
Anyway, tired of people telling me how I should do things and when I should do things.
I had a better day today. I think that having a few days off to recooperate will do the trick nicely. It will be like a mini vacation that I really needed. I'm planning on crafting a bit because I have a lot to catch up on and not a lot of time to do it. I think that my stressful days (and past weeks) are soon to be calmer. I spent the last few weeks in and out of the dr's office trying to see if the lumps in my boobs were cancerous. Thankfully, they are nothing to be worried over, and I just have to deal with some irritating pain in the area. I was stressed like you would not believe!
I was talking to a gal today about babies and what not. Its funny how some people think they have you pegged for certain things based off your personality or your religion. I hate how people think that you shouldn't have a baby because you can't afford it, or because you're not old enough. How the heck do they know how much money I have or how much I make a year? Seriously...it's none of thier business. For those who wonder, we make about 40k a year (which is what my parents raised 4 of us on) and when I get my raise/promotion we will make close to 60k a year. Personally, I think that is plenty to raise a kid on. It also irritates me that people assume that I will stay home with my kid and raise it just because I am LDS. If I could, I would, but with my new promotion, I would be STUPID to stay home. I'll be making the most money, so If one of us were to stay home, it would be brian and we would still make close to 35k a year from just me. Not that any of this matters because I'm not pregnant, nor have I been lucky enough to be pregnant yet. But Brian and I have thoroughly thought this out and budgeted (thanks to rough estimates from the siblings who already have kids) accordingly for when and if the time comes. I think I am going to make the Pregnancy topic off limits because people can't help but always give their advice and their ideas.
Anyway, tired of people telling me how I should do things and when I should do things.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
What's in a Title?
Have you ever wished that you had crazy super powers and could shrink yourself into something so small that nobody could see you or talk to you or do anything to you? That has been my day today. Today was the first time I have felt like I was working for Sam's again and was feeling that same icky feeling and feeling of dread and despair in the pit of my stomach. I absolutely hated my job for the first time in months. It made me question if I was good enough for my promotion. It made me question if I would have the right answers, if I would be a good boss. It was an absolute nightmare. One of the ladies at my work actually told me she was afraid I might have a stroke today because I was so stressed, frustrated and angry. And then I think of how I have 2 days more until I have a blessed day off...and then I get frustrated all over again.
My car blew up the other day, literally...my thermostat blew up and my engine was freaking out and there was smoke and the smell of burning metal that only a car can have, you know? So now I am almost a hundred bucks down with a smoking car that smells like burning antifreeze. Yay. To complete it all, the check engine light is on, again. I love my car, I do, but somedays, I kinda wish it would blow up for real.
Bonfired with the friends tonight. It was nice to see them, especially Tony. I haven't seen him since I got married over a year and a half ago. I remember the bonfires we used to have years ago. They were fun and very relaxed. I didn't care if I had to work the next morning early or if I had early church. I'd still stay up til two or three in the morning. Ah, somedays I wish I could still stay up til then. :)
I've been in and out of dr's offices for the past three or four weeks trying to figure out what's wrong with me. So far it's nothing too serious, but then again, who knows. The baby thing still bothers me as its hard to feel like I'm a reject and not have people understand. Everybody always says give it time, it will happen. Which is fine, and I'm sure it will (I hope) but I get tired of hearing it. Then I get all the people who tellme I don't want to have a kid right now, wait til you're older. Thats fine for them too, but I truly feel in my heart that this is the right time to start my family. I've prayed, I've been to the temple about and it feels right...and has for the past year and a half. Time enough to have two babies and I still haven't even got pregnant. I don't like to really talk about it anymore...most people don't understand how I feel, don't want to understand how I feel. Almost everyone I know has gotten pregnant when they want to be. Its like wanting something so bad and you can't afford it ever...perhaps it is my trial in life, learning how to have patience too. perhaps I will close this book for now. Its a heated subject I'd rather not get into.
Sigh. There's a lot more that I want to say, but for the sake of the people who read my blog and for other reasons, I shall write in my private blog and blow off the steam there. I just wrote how I feel today. Who knows, maybe tomorrow will be excellent and I'll be gushing about having a great day. Until then, I'm not complaining, trying to get you to pity me, or even trying to make you feel bad...I'm just telling the truth about how i feel without sugarcoating it. Needed to clear my brain to make room for my day tomorrow.
My car blew up the other day, literally...my thermostat blew up and my engine was freaking out and there was smoke and the smell of burning metal that only a car can have, you know? So now I am almost a hundred bucks down with a smoking car that smells like burning antifreeze. Yay. To complete it all, the check engine light is on, again. I love my car, I do, but somedays, I kinda wish it would blow up for real.
Bonfired with the friends tonight. It was nice to see them, especially Tony. I haven't seen him since I got married over a year and a half ago. I remember the bonfires we used to have years ago. They were fun and very relaxed. I didn't care if I had to work the next morning early or if I had early church. I'd still stay up til two or three in the morning. Ah, somedays I wish I could still stay up til then. :)
I've been in and out of dr's offices for the past three or four weeks trying to figure out what's wrong with me. So far it's nothing too serious, but then again, who knows. The baby thing still bothers me as its hard to feel like I'm a reject and not have people understand. Everybody always says give it time, it will happen. Which is fine, and I'm sure it will (I hope) but I get tired of hearing it. Then I get all the people who tellme I don't want to have a kid right now, wait til you're older. Thats fine for them too, but I truly feel in my heart that this is the right time to start my family. I've prayed, I've been to the temple about and it feels right...and has for the past year and a half. Time enough to have two babies and I still haven't even got pregnant. I don't like to really talk about it anymore...most people don't understand how I feel, don't want to understand how I feel. Almost everyone I know has gotten pregnant when they want to be. Its like wanting something so bad and you can't afford it ever...perhaps it is my trial in life, learning how to have patience too. perhaps I will close this book for now. Its a heated subject I'd rather not get into.
Sigh. There's a lot more that I want to say, but for the sake of the people who read my blog and for other reasons, I shall write in my private blog and blow off the steam there. I just wrote how I feel today. Who knows, maybe tomorrow will be excellent and I'll be gushing about having a great day. Until then, I'm not complaining, trying to get you to pity me, or even trying to make you feel bad...I'm just telling the truth about how i feel without sugarcoating it. Needed to clear my brain to make room for my day tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I'm feeling slightly better today. I'm just watching the boys play Call of Duty. It is rather boring. I don't like the game, but whatever. I don't have anything better to do. I'm chatting to people, and writing in my blog.
Things have settled down around here. I've been feeling a bit off the last little while, but I feel a lot better today. I've been losing weight too, which makes me very happy. I think I may push my recipe thing off til next week, I have a dr's appointment to go to, and I don't think I will feel much like making something. The only thing I have stuff to make is a mixed berry pie anyway, and the recipe is in my head...maybe I'll make it anyway. I've been craving a berry pie. I just need some more berries. ;)
I know this post is random and boring, so I'm sorry. I'm just rambling because I am bored.
Things have settled down around here. I've been feeling a bit off the last little while, but I feel a lot better today. I've been losing weight too, which makes me very happy. I think I may push my recipe thing off til next week, I have a dr's appointment to go to, and I don't think I will feel much like making something. The only thing I have stuff to make is a mixed berry pie anyway, and the recipe is in my head...maybe I'll make it anyway. I've been craving a berry pie. I just need some more berries. ;)
I know this post is random and boring, so I'm sorry. I'm just rambling because I am bored.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Still Bummed Out
So I didn't get my promotion. The DM gave it to his daughter under the pretense that she has been with the company longer than I have. Personally, I think that is a bunch of bull. I worked so hard in Murray the last few weeks to clean and make that place sparkle. And it was all for naught. In a way, I feel relieved. There were a few issues there with people that i wish I could say would blow over. Their lead (what I do) hates me and thinks I am taking over her job, which I kind of did, but only because my boss told me to train her how to be a lead. Another guy was just creepy and he made my skin crawl. How do you deal with people like that?
The next position open will be mine first, according to the DM, but it is in Provo, which means that i will be moving back there. While I will have the Provo gals back, I'll miss you guys here. I have a lot of praying and decision making to do in the next few weeks. It would be perfect for us to go there...Brian needs to transfer schools, and I would be making 30-35k a year, but is it the right decision to make right now? Seems how we don't have kids yet, the decision will be a bit easier to make. Living here with the parents is a hard thing to do, and I would like to have my own place again. Living here has made me feel like my life really has no purpose. I just exist from day to day, doing what I need to do without much happiness. Thank heaven for Brian. He makes me so happy. He literally gives me the strength I need to make it through.
I watched Julia and Julie the other day. I know this is lame, but I am going to steal ideas from that julie person. I am going to find a new recipe a week and make it and blog about it. Just to you guys, but I think it will make me feel like I have something to do and something to look forward to doing.
Wow...my life is boring. I do facebook, I read and I work. I need to get out more. I remember I used to drive around just because I wanted to drive around. I would randomly make stupid stuff to eat because I didn't care what was in it or how many calories it had. I would buy a shirt at the mall and I didn't care if it was the last of my money for the week. Oy. I suppose if I were completely blissfully happy I wouldn't like it either. I think that what I am lacking is my sense of being myself. Does that make sense? Living here makes me feel like I have to do things a certain way, be somebody else. I'm done with that.
The next position open will be mine first, according to the DM, but it is in Provo, which means that i will be moving back there. While I will have the Provo gals back, I'll miss you guys here. I have a lot of praying and decision making to do in the next few weeks. It would be perfect for us to go there...Brian needs to transfer schools, and I would be making 30-35k a year, but is it the right decision to make right now? Seems how we don't have kids yet, the decision will be a bit easier to make. Living here with the parents is a hard thing to do, and I would like to have my own place again. Living here has made me feel like my life really has no purpose. I just exist from day to day, doing what I need to do without much happiness. Thank heaven for Brian. He makes me so happy. He literally gives me the strength I need to make it through.
I watched Julia and Julie the other day. I know this is lame, but I am going to steal ideas from that julie person. I am going to find a new recipe a week and make it and blog about it. Just to you guys, but I think it will make me feel like I have something to do and something to look forward to doing.
Wow...my life is boring. I do facebook, I read and I work. I need to get out more. I remember I used to drive around just because I wanted to drive around. I would randomly make stupid stuff to eat because I didn't care what was in it or how many calories it had. I would buy a shirt at the mall and I didn't care if it was the last of my money for the week. Oy. I suppose if I were completely blissfully happy I wouldn't like it either. I think that what I am lacking is my sense of being myself. Does that make sense? Living here makes me feel like I have to do things a certain way, be somebody else. I'm done with that.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Bummed Out
Everyone is either pregnant or having kids, except me. It makes me feel like a reject among my friends, though that certainly won't be the first time I've felt like that. I'm beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me. We have been trying for a year and a half to get pregnant and every month, nothing ever happens. Every time I start, I get a pang of disappointment followed by, "Well, maybe next month." But next month it is always the same. I think I will utilize my time instead on making myself a better person and losing lots of weight. Perhaps having a baby is not for me. I've quit school. I'm not really sure what I want to spend the rest of my life doing, but I don't want to demo forever. Perhaps if I get that manager job, Brian and I could buy a house. That would be nice. I have missed having my own space and being able to do whatever I want to do. I've missed being able to pull my craft stuff out for days at a time, and just work on stuff, but here, I have to immediately put it all away. I feel like I can never get anything done. Sorry this is a whiny and pity me post...just feeling a bit depressed today, I guess.
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